Last night the neighbors were breathing heavy.

What can I say I live in a ghetto. The walls are paper-thin, and you can pretty much hear anything and everything the neighbors do.  Let me tell you on Hatikva street you don’t need to be a snoop to know what the neighbors are doing.

So Friday I was supposed to have a date (I know can you believe it).  What can I say, waiting around for the swimmer wasn’t working out. He’s gone MIA.

When we talked on the phone, he had a really deep nasally voice. So I decided to call him Vador. Just glad he didn’t carry a lightsaber.

Vador looks like your standard SW engineer with surf board and an ex-wife and a couple of kids. Perfect for getting into trouble. Oh, and he’s got a motorcycle (cough, return of the Accessory Man).  So yeah, trouble. But then again, maybe not so much.

So Vador shows up in a long black coat (dude it’s summer in Tel Aviv, are you nuts?), black jeans, a black T-shirt,  and (I’m not kidding) black eyeliner). I’m thinking “seriously dude,  it’s not 1987 and you’re not Boy George”. I was expecting Bermudas and tank top, instead I get the side-show.  “I’m thinking please G-d let the force be with me for this one.  At least the theater will be dark and we won’t have to talk”.

Movie starts and 45 minutes into the movie I hear this deep “HAA” sound over and over. I look at Vadar and he’s gone to sleep jaw wide open repeating “HAA HAA”. It was as weird as the foot guy asking me to scratch his feet.

“Dear L-rd, I don’t ask for much. Hell, I’ve been dateless for 5 months and haven’t bugged you about it. Could you help me out here. What am I suppose to do with Jaba.”

Vador was making so much noise, he was bugging others. I figured maybe if I call him (his phone was on vibrate) he’d feel it and wake up.  I kid you not, when his phone vibrated he moaned and then smiled. This orgasm brought to by Nokia.

Finally somebody threw something at him and he woke up. He was totally embarrassed. We didn’t even go to coffee afterwards, we both wanted to bolt.

Bottom line, I’ll take my neighbors moaning any day over listening to my date moan over his phone.

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