I’m having hot flashes in Tel Aviv in August.

But I don’t think they’re menopause related, at least I hope not.  It must be that I’m from Seattle, and there is enough Swede in me that I’ll never get acclimated to Tel Aviv summers, ever.

Going outside is like walking into a sauna, even the pool water is too warm to really swim.  The sea is full of  jellyfish that can set your legs on fire. The country feels like it’s a powder keg waiting to go off.  Lieberman, it seems,  is foaming at the mouth for the PA to make trouble in September. It feels like something is about to go KABOOM, so nobody light a match.

My kids are driving me crazy. They’re spending this week in my office. It feels like jail. I’ve locked them in my office with me to avoid the ninjas invading spaces.  I would lay down my life for them boys, but to be honest, I wish they would lay down and go to sleep until Thursday.  The constant sound of them beating the keyboard is driving me nuts. By 21:00,  I totally understand the author of  Go the F*** to Sleep. I swear if they break or drop anything else, I will have reached my flash point.

Not even meditation is helping. It’s to friggen hot to breathe deep and “soham“. Just sitting in my room breathing I start to sweat. We don’t use the air con because then everybody just gets snotty. Then we have hot snotty crabby ninjas as opposed to bored ninjas. Choose your poison I suppose.

Great, literally, as I type this, Eitan just pulled a tooth out. Forget flash point, we’ve officially upgraded to breakdown point.  Somebody please pass me the Xannax.

So I guess this is the point where I need to count my blessings.

Blessing 1: G-d gave us red wine.

Blessing 2: Summer vacation is only once a year. Wait, scratch that, I forgot the High Holy Days, that’s like an another month. 

Blessing 2: G-d gave us chocolate and coffee. Indulgences always help us take the edge off.

Blessing 3: G-d gave us red wine, when all else fails, have another glass of the vino.

But I suppose if I was in Seattle, I’d be bitching about the rain.