My lawyer is the most obnoxious person on the face of the earth, full stop.

He gets in your face and yells at you, “where’s my money”.  In fact my phone just rang, it was him. My heart-rate went through the roof. Mind you he’s been paid over two-thirds of his fee, and he knows that Leumi Card took my salary in May. You’d think he’d cut me some slack and give me a month to get back on my feet. But no, he’s a troll. If you ever need somebody to helps with credit card debt, do not use Itay Barda.

But it’s not even about the money. It’s about his attitude. He screams at everybody.  He’s insulted my friends, yelled like a wild man at bankers, and only answers questions when it fits him. It’s more about wrecking my zen.

Before going to see him or even reading his  email, I get physically sick. My heart races, and I feel like I’m going to hurl. I hate this feeling, I’ve been working really hard not to feel like this about other things.

Mediation helps, before and after. I have to breathe slowly and deeply in his presence. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and count to 10. It feels like I’m back sliding into my old self. I hate that. Bad thoughts = Bad Energy = Bad Action.

For me thinking positive is an exercise, I’m more of a worst case scenario type of girl. What if….. It’s taken me a year to figure out that my “what ifs” created my reality.  Now when I have a “what if” moment, I stop and say, “if that happens I can get through it”.  It means there is a lesson I need to learn.  I have to make the conscious decision not to give in worry. There are just somethings you can’t control.

Like my lawyer’s mouth. What I can control is doing the little things. Making sure to wash the dishes immediately after we eat. There is Zen is a clean sink ( I keep up with the laundry now, not letting it build past two days.  Yes there is Zen in an empty clothes basket. I need to find Zen in my bedroom, it seems like it’s always a mess. But hey, baby steps.

I’ve been sitting with the ninjas doing breathing exercises, especially with Eitan. I tell him to exhale the bad feelings and inhale the good ones. This may take a while, but it’s a start.

I’ve stopped complaining about what I don’t have, what’s going on in my life, and other people (OK my lawyer and Oren not included). Complaining gets you nowhere and you feel sick doing it. Think about it, it doesn’t feel good to say something negative. I have more than 95% of the world’s population. I live in a country where women are not beaten for wearing the wrong clothes. What do I really have to complain about?

Most importantly, and I know I’m repeating myself, I have found joy in the simple things. Things don’t have a big price tag to bring you happiness. In fact, most of the things that really bring us joy, don’t. There is more Zen in understanding that, then well, I can possibly state here.

For my life personally I believe that there are good changes ahead. I can feel them in my gut.

Now I just wish Assad, Ahmadinejad, and Nizrallah would find some Zen, and calm the f*** down.

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
Swedish Proverb quotes