“The only reason not to be at work on the day of a version release is because you’re dead”.

That’s what we said.  Versions were a big deal, it meant we had fixed the bugs and maybe created some new ones.  But as we all know, they really weren’t bugs, they’re features. And when they got fixed we called  it “a features tweak”.

Some humans are the same way. We keeping tweaking our features, and moving up our personal version number.   For me it seems that my version numbers are moving up faster the older I get. I keep discovering different sides to myself that need developing, quickly.

The last few months, I’ve been spending more time trying to get “Zen”. If Zen can be gotten.  OK, trying to achieve Zen. I’ve been reading a lot of texts, and spending my free time on sites like www.thinksimplenow.com and  zenhabits.net.  I’ve spent a lot more time in meditation, try to listen rather than talking (this is a true challenge, but it’s genetic I tell you).

L-rd knows there are days before a major release, I need Zen, to process, think, and then react from a place of peace before I rip somebody’s head off. Technical Writers know the drill, “put it in, no, take it out, no, put it in back in”. Generally this happens five minutes before the release, and generally it’s happens when Testing and the Product Managers are discussing bugs. If they’d only listened the first time I told them that this is how the guide should go together. But hey, I’m just the Technical Writer.

This is how I’ve spent the last 72 hours, and the funniest thing happened. Where before this brought me angst, I feel none.  I’m not angry, because I’ve had to redo the work I did last year. I’m not frustrated, because they didn’t listen.  It’s fine. I actually have a strange sense of Peace.

It’s OK because this is a lesson in patience and in acceptance.  I’ve finally learnt that even the bad experiences are really a gift.  I kept telling myself that throughout the last year, but I didnt’ feel it. I was saying the Mantra, but not breathing it.

In the beginning, I’d close my eyes, and repeat soham, feeling silly or thinking this is ridiculous. But I kept repeating it, until it finally hit me.  When it does, my head gets light, and I have an understanding. I finally get the bad things or the uncomfortable things are not here to kill me, they’re here to teach me. And when the bad things happen, I am finally ready to say, “welcome friend, what have you to teach me”.

Otherwise it’s like working with Windows 93.

When we connect with the ground of being and also the truth of our experience there is a capacity for joy that is radically different than the happiness we hear about all the time. Rabbi Joanna Katz

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