I’ve loved  love E & J Gallo Winery commercials since I was a little girl.

Not because of the beautiful shots of Sonoma, but because of Pachelbel’s Canon.  Even as a child, Pachelbel’s Canon moved me. While  Rob Paravonian’s rant is worth the two minutes, and may have elements of truth, Pachelbel’s Canon for me has always been an emotional experience.

This morning, I was listening to this version, and moved into what I can only describe as an emotional orgasm. When this happens to me, it happens when I am deeply moved by a piece of music, a painting, or a highly charged piece of writing.

My site goes hazy, my sense of smell is heightened, and rush of an immense peace washes over me. It sounds hokey, I know.

This happened to me (2x) in Rome at the Palazzo Barberini while viewing Sacchi’s Allegory of Divine Wisdom. The beauty of the fresco moved me to tears. I swear I heard somebody whisper Americani pazzi (crazy Americans).  I’ve taken friends to Rome to see this fresco, it’s overwhelming.

For me there is something Holy in the ability to express emotions through art or music. It is a gift that few are given, and sadly in the modern world, fewer people appreciate.

I remember taking Oren to see the Jewish Bride at the Rijks Museum in Amsterdam.  He moaned and complained the entire time. He was incapable of feeling the painting rather than just seeing it. All he wanted to do was go to the Heineken factory. To quote T.S. Elliot, “We had the experience, but we missed the meaning.”

I don’t want to miss the meaning. I think that I’m finally starting to understand that I deeply want to understand the meaning of every experience I have, good or bad.

My bad experiences have shaped me as much as the positive ones.  I no longer want to carry negativity, anger, or passiveness.  In moments of emotional clarity I can see that these feelings erode our souls. They intensify the pain and eat away at us. We cannot heal with anger, what’ the quote, “it’s like swallowing poison and expecting your enemy to die“.

One of the testers at work is a bitter angry man. He does not contribute to a pleasant work experience. This week I’ve been struggling with anger and self-defense.  I couldn’t figure out how to move past the knot in my stomach rivaled with wanting to chuck my shoe at his head.

This morning among the repetition  of Johann Pachelbel’s notes and the smell of grass and Rosemary, something changed for me. I had the answer, Conquer with Love.

While I would not advocate implementing “Conquer with Love” on a Geo-Political level, on the human-to-human level it may be the first step to a better me.

But then my mother always said I was too emotional.

The coward is incapable of exhibiting love.. it is the prerogative of the brave. Mahatma Gandhi