I shouldn’t read the Huffington Post.

Every time I do I get frustrated. I find my self swearing at whatever article I happen to be reading. The over-the-top Obama praise for things like the White House’s position on Egypt or the  sanctions against Iran make me want to rip out my hair.

But this morning when I opened the Huffington Post, it was all about love. Do men and women mean the same thing when they say I love you (yeah, sure they do), Are you in love or in need (what I need is a raise, a normal babysitter, and lawyers off my back), The Biochemistry of Love’s Ecstasy and Agony (Ecstasy????) and the list goes on and on. After spending 15 minutes on the Huffington Post I was seriously doubting my ability to ever have a relationship again.

Even FB is covered with warm fuzzy loving wishes for Valentines Day. “Switch your profile picture to a picture of you and your spouse” (mine would be the two of us exchanging nasty words in cartoon bubbles), send a Valentine to your man/woman, beach kisses, cupid’s arrows, etc.

I actually feel like using Cupid’s arrow to shoot him in the butt. Bitter, nope, even when I was happily married (what I refer to as my naive period) I don’t think I received a Valentines day gift, Tu’ Ba’av, Anniversary , or a Birthday gift. It just wasn’t on Oren’s radar.  After the boys were born he used to joke that the ninjas were my Valentine’s day and Birthday gift combined (their birthday is 14/2 and mine is 4/3). He figured it was a 2 for 1 sale.

Maybe it’s because I’m not a Romantic. I don’t even like the Romance period. Wordsworth writes about too many bubbling brooks. Although, Blake may have been on to something when he wrote, “And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse“. The point is, I am missing the Romance gene.

In fact, I don’t even know if I believe anymore in love in the traditional sense. The word has become weighed down to me. The expectations that come with word are suffocating.

For me it’s not about what I am going to get out of this relationship, on any level. For me it’s about realizing that the person next to you is your friend and makes you a better person. It’s not about the diamond rings or the fancy restaurants, for me it’s about wanting to do better for them (ok flowers on occasion I can handle).  It’s about accepting the person as they are, with all their flaws, and allowing those flaws to be.  It’s about ensuring the other person’s happiness even when it means making the hard decisions. And it’s about the laughter and joy of just being.

Whatever the anti-hero to cupid is, that’s me.  And that’s OK.

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.

– Hafiz of Persia

Advertisements