I don’t like Oprah.  OK,  maybe at times she’s entertaining or education, but generally I find her overrated and over exposed.  Now Abraham Maslow is a man I could love, well if he wasn’t dead.  Since Psych 101 I have semi-worshiped in the House of Maslow, ever striving for self actualization through peak experiences. What Oprah would refer to as an”A-Ha” moment.  Oprah, Maslow for the masses?

For some strange reason I decided  a few days ago I decided  to swim in the freezing cold outdoor pool.  From the second my body hit the arctic water, everything but my arms, legs, and brain waves went into shock.  My thought process slowed and the internal dialog began:

Me: ” I can’t believe this is over, and I have to start dating again. ”

Me:  “Well actually you don’t. You could convert, sell your kids, join the nuns. Eliminate the problem. ”

Me:  “Might be a bit extreme, I mean I don’t see myself in the funky hat and dress. The self-flagellation might be a bit over the top.  Plus you’re Jewish, this is what your mother was for. ”

Me:  “I don’t have the energy for the small talk, and acting interested when I really want to say, “Are you really this stupid” or “Wow,  I hope you and your ego don’t have trouble getting through the door on your way out”.  The whole process of figuring out if you even want to share airspace at the movies seems laborious.

What I really want for somebody to screen them first, or a list with all the stupid questions you ask each other in the beginning.  Just get all the garbage out-of-the-way that makes dating such a tiring experience.  Wait I know a summary sheet of their lives.  I’ll hand them mine, they’ll give me their’s, think how much easier that would be.”

Me:  “But you already have a summary sheet”.

Then it hit, just as I inhaled a huge gulp of  ice water, I got that feeling up the back  of my spine.  In fact, my entire life, my beliefs,  my convictions are all online.  This is me. I’m complicated, I’m spiritual, at times trashy (but only when I really try hard at it), I’m fun, I laugh everyday, I love fiercely and without shame, I’m straight forward and hate bullshit, I’m passionate in all things (otherwise what is the point), loud at times, humble at others, and I’m a bit insane. The good and the bad it’s all here.

I have so much that I’m juggling, I don’t have time to reveal things slowly and try to figure out what to show when and how much.  The next time somebody starts to chat me up, my response will be, this is my blog. Go read ten entries. When your done if you still want to go out, we’ll go out, but let’s start here.

Asking a lot, perhaps, but the truth is, I’m worth a lot.  Like all things, you only get out of them,  what you put into them. And I ain’t putting nada out  until I’m well invested.

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