My mother was big on manners, “get your elbows off the table”,  “say excuse me”,  and “don’t interrupt”. She was right, and these are the same things I tell my children, my Israeli children, it’s almost an oxymoron to tell an Israeli not to interrupt.  I get the same look I get when I sneeze and say “excuse me”, which is always followed by a barrage of “what excuse me,  why excuse me, to your health, not excuse me”.

*****sigh****** Try to explain to them that everywhere else in the world, people say excuse me….and people don’t interrupt.

Six  months ago, my life was interrupted, when I least need it. I had/have creditor’s lawyers on my back, my step-father refuses to cough up the cash he owes me which would put an end to the creditor’s lawyers,  one of my sons is struggling with all the changes of the past couple years, and I was still wound up in the fetal position nightly.

Like a cosmic collision, we collided. Boom, smack, watch for falling debris. Now what I should have done, what I really wanted to do was  get while the getting was good.  Alas, I didn’t, and here I sit with a life interrupted.

The kindest, most peaceful,  and the gentlist man, forgot to knock and simply walked in to the balagon (mess) of my day-to-day. Parallel to this, I read Eat, Pray, Love (Yes I know, many think it’s overrated, and I refuse to see the movie, because I don’t think it’s the type of book you should be slapping Julia Roberts face on) and I reread “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up” .

And then it did, my soul simply opened to the possibility of loving. But in a completely different way than we tend to love or are taught to love.  I opened up to meditation, something that my mind has always been too cluttered to do (I’m still pretty crappy at it, but I’m trying).  I opened up to a lot of the “new age mumble jumble” that I have always laughed at.  Maybe I laughed at it, because I was so completely closed off to myself and to the possibilities of me.

This month I have been struggling, because I knew that my relationship with my interruption was going to change.  We weren’t seeing each other as much and we were moving in different directions.  In fact, getting to the point  where I can say, ” I love you and because I do, you need to go”,  has been an extremely emotional process. And yes I’ve meditated on it, and processed it, and let it go.

I will miss him madly. Maybe we just need some time to move into the friends zone, but in that time his daily wisdom will be sorely lacking in my life.  So I’m giving it to G-d and the universe and putting it their hands. I’ve stopped fighting it,  and am going to let it be.

And I’m walking away with the power of knowledge and an understanding that I cannot control everything in my life, and that not everything needs to be controlled.  And peace,  I think that I am at peace with the transition of this friendship and love. I’ve never had that before.  Maybe when we give things to G-d, we are trusting in the power of the universe which is surely greater than ourselves.

To him I guess I would only say, say love  to the bottom of your being, laugh like your soul is on fire, and know you are loved back.

I guess sometimes interruptions are blessings, sometimes we need to listen when our kids keep pulling at our arms trying to get our attention. Sometimes we need to need to leave the door open a crack, so the universe can blow it open.

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