My biggest pet peeve is rudenss, I can deal with a passive agressive bullshit, but when somebody is downright rude and inconsiderate, that for me is the line in the sand.

When I was 18 my mother sent me to a Kibbutz in Israel, supposedly so I could learn Hebrew and have the “Kibbutz Experience”. I don’t think anybody told her that the Kibbutz experience of 1968 was not the Kibbutz experience of 1990. The glory of the kibbutz after the 6 day war was not applicable in 1990. Forget the camp fires and dancing the Hora and bring in the Disco nights, the beer, and the screwing around (literally).  I’m sure if she’d known, she would have sent me to a woman’s seminary in Jerusalem instead…..

When got on that airplane on June 13th I had never had a drop of alcohol, I’d never smoked a fag, would never have  dreamed of  “inhaling”, and still had my proverbial innocence about me. When I left Israel on May 23rd 1991, that had all changed (with the exception of inhaling).

During the practical part of  my Zionist indoctrination I got to pull weeds, clean chicken coops, work in the fish ponds, wash dishes, and work in the orchards. All done is the sweltering 104 degree heat of the Israeli sun. Did I mention, we didn’t get paid, um, that was just for the room and board.  And yes, we sat around at night and drank a lot of Goldstar with the soldiers when they came back on Fridays, a lot of Goldstar.

Jeannie (my partner in crime, who I still miss) and I had started our weekend party around 17:00 one Friday, so by 21:00 we were feeling no pain, in fact, I contend we couldn’t see straight.  We wound up outside of somebody’s room/cabin, where a bunch of people were playing quarters. Must I go on, I’m sure you can see where this is going. By the end of the night, I wound up snogging somebody, the next day I could barely remember who.  In the end, I figured it out and we wound up dating for about 8 weeks (at 18 that’s a long time).

Around September I get stopped by an Argentinian with a unproportionality big butt. She literally gets in my face, and says to me,  “what’s going on with you and X”. So I say, “ask him”.  That was the end of my relationship with the Kibbutznik. Turns out she was his ex, and she was on a mission.  BTW in the end, they got married.

Skip ahead 19 years. And I’m on FB looking up friends, and think, hey I wonder if X is here. He was and I friended (is that really a word) him.  He accepts and sends me a message to tune of,  “I can’t believe you found me. You won’t believe it but big butt (sorry that’s what I’ve always called her, why change now) and I are separated and I’m in TA”.

He had been of work for a while, like a lot of techies after the crash in 2008, and she had decided she’d had enough. Told him to hit the bricks. He was really depressed,  and really had the wind knocked out of his sails. Not to say my situation was a lot better, but at least I hadn’t lost hope.  We had a lot of stuff in common both in high-tech, we both swam, in fact in the same place.

We started dating.  He was really struggling with feelings for his ex-wife, and I, a year later, was really struggling with what was left of my relationship with the coachman. Not a great combo for successful dating.

Anyway,  I kept noticing little things that really bothered me,  lack of what I would consider, basic manners. Like offering to pick up the check or split the cost of a taxi.  He’d always point out that my kids were rude (now they’re not angels but they’re not rude. In fact manners are a big deal in our house)(and because I’d know him for 20 years, I didn’t feel weird about him being around my kids, cause he was really also an old friend).

He’d say things like “I’m trying really hard not to tell you the things I’d like to change in you”.  He’d sit on my PC for hours, when the kids wanted to use it, and then act like he was affronted when Eitan would just close the laptop on him (which is what I actually wanted to do, but didn’t want to be rude). He’d come for the weekend on my off weekends, but then wouldn’t  call or sms for 3 or 4 days.  To me that’s just rude.

About 8 weeks into our renewed dating, I landed two contracts for 100 hours each, and he also landed a job. Not what he wanted but it was a job in high tech. These days, count your blessings.  As I’d spent 2 months listening and seeing how depressed he was, I thought this guy deserves something to cheer him up. So the boys and I went to get him a couple of shirts for his new job, which we presented to him the next time he came over.  His reaction, “yeah well those are pretty formal”.  Not thank you, or that’s was really sweet of you. So I tell him that he can exchange them to something more his taste.

He left the shirts at my house, didn’t even bother to take them with him. This too me is was the height  of rudeness and just being ungrateful.  Eventually I asked him, are you going to exchange them, cause if not I can get store credit. He said he’d exchange the following Saturday night, when he got back from his girls. Meaning in my mind, that we’d meet and go exchange the shirts.  Saturday afternoon rolls around, Saturday evening, finally around 8, I texted him and asked what’s going on. He texted back and said he’d been back since the afternoon and was at his brother’s apartment. Now I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed. I mean come on, there’s a limit to what a jackass somebody can be. You don’t want to meet, call and say,  you know what, I can’t meet. Or say you don’t want the shirts and fine. But don’t be a jerk.

So I’d really had enough of this crap. I texted him and basically told him it was off. He was so clueless as to how rude he was, he texted me back , “I can’t fix the hole in your heart“.

Oh man,…these were the thoughts that ran through my head, “who the hell talks like that????  Can’t fix the hole in my heart, who the hell asked you to? You couldn’t even if you tried! My grandmother’s pickled herring has more warmth than you do! If this is what you were like in your marriage, I actually pity big butt“.

We haven’t spoken since. We swim at the same pool, sometimes we swim together, and I often feel like there isn’t enough water for both of us.  Not because I’m hurt, not because I’m angry, but because for me it’s like nails on a chalkboard when people are rude.

For me no manners are the number one deal breaker. Cause man if they’re rude and self-centered when they’re dating you, think what they’re like if you have to live with them.

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