I must have pissed off the “me” gods. The me gods being those divine beings that allow us to be selfish. I’ve never been good at that, in fact, I’ve been really really bad at it, even worse than my spelling, that bad. And now I’m paying, with loads and loads and loads of interest.

I spent my entire life trying to be a “good girl” , even when I needed to be bad . I didn’t have the skills to know how to be. When I told my husband I wanted a divorce, or at the very least for him to move out of the bedroom, I went out and bought him an entire bedroom set. When he told he me he wouldn’t have anyplace to live, I said take the house (since then we sold it). When he said he needed the car more than I did, I said take the car. When he said I need a new laptop, yep guess what, and on and on.

When I said I need you to pay child support and to pay for your own phone…..well the line went dead.  OK stiff upper lip babe, you’ll get through this..and I tried.

But as it turns out, I am a creature of habit. And in my next relationship, I did the same thing. I gave and gave and gave, and guess what got stuck holding the check. Heck I’m so warped, I don’t even let a man pay for coffee. I feel like if I don’t pick up the check then I’ve done something wrong.  Trying to be to self- sufficient is not always a good thing. I wish I had more of the selfish gene.

So today it all came back to haunt me, I’m going to lose the phone carrier, cause the X has been running up charges, and the carrier won’t take it out of my name. The daycare wants money, cause the bank transfer didn’t go through for two months. I called the boys dad for help, his response was “what do you expect me to do, I’m on holiday”.  Then I’m locked out of the house, and the only other person that has the key is the Coachman. I call him and ask him to bring the key, and off course, he turns it into a conversation about how he does so much for me. I wish he turn that into paying me back.  And for the first time I feel like a fool, not because I did the wrong things, but because I didn’t take care of me.

While everything is crashing down in front of me, at least I’ve learned this, the ninjas and I are first. Screw the  bank, screw the CC companies, screw the ex and the coachman. From now on, I going to take care of me and my boys. And more than that, my next date can pay. My next date can earn the right to be out with a beautiful, smart, fun, and sexy woman.

Cause the one thing I’ve learned is Hell Hath No Fury Than The Me Gods! Cause they’re there to teach you how to take care of you. I wish I’d learned that lesson before the walls came caving in………….

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