I think I left my marriage a long time before I left it. I checked out mentally and physically long before I told him. I figured I was incapable of a loving “physical” relationship with my husband, or with any man. If that was true, why pick up after any man besides my kids. And we separated.

Around sixth months later, the “girls and I” went out after work to the local sports bar. It was a kind of joke, cause the techies watching basketball aren’t really a lively crowd. But there are always a few laughs. We played the Business Card game, girl with the most “techie business cards” at the end of night doesn’t pay for her share of the bill. Stupid maybe, but always a laugh. And you always leave with a bit of buzz. At the end of the night, and a few business cards, it was time to split.

So I called a taxi, no driving after being out with the girls. I got in the wrong taxi, cause I was jerking one of the business cards around (nu sometimes I’m a jerk). Suddenly a taxi cuts in front of us, rolls down the window and yells “that’s my fare, pull over”.

Now in Israel, taxi drivers are not foreign workers, they’re big Mafia dudes you don’t want to mess with….without looking, I grabbed my laptop and switched taxis FAST!  While still being a jerk on the phone. So I’m on the phone with this techie, and he calls me cute (I have a whole theory on cute, but that’s a different entry”.  “Cute I say, dogs are cute, PFFFFFF”.  Suddenly from the front seat this voice says, “Cute, tell him you’re beautiful,  and if you don’t I will”. I looked up and in that second, the earth moved off its axis. I’m not kidding, there was a chemical reaction that in my entire life I have never experienced. Here was this man,  physically the strongest I’d ever seen, handsome in a lumberjack kind of way, and cocky, like only I like.

That was it, I was speechless, I think we flirted,  I don’t remember, cause I was buzzed and there was no air. It changed my life. I didn’t really believe in love before that moment. I believed in best friends, I believed in “I love you”, but not  “I’m in love with you”.  I can’t remember what happened next, not from the wine, but from the feeling I had in my stomach. The next thing I remember, he pulled over on the side of what is basically I-5, comes around to my door, and planted one on me like I’d ever felt in my entire life.

Wow, I still think about that moment and say wow. It wasn’t going to work out, it couldn’t. It doesn’t matter, he became my Coachman. He protects me when I need him to, he loves my kids and they love him. We’ve been through a lot together and I’ve cried a lot because of him. We’ll never be a couple, we can’t be. My morals aren’t his, and his life isn’t mine.

But what I learned from the coachman is that to love someone, and to be in love someone are completely different. When my marriage ended, I didn’t think I could do either. Now I know I can do both.

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